Eyes I thought I had forgotten

Dusk descends on the world
Shadows collect in the corners
The night is coming on
The streets are filled with mourners.

Nobody told me about this
How me it would dishearten
Things unbidden come to mind.
Eyes I thought I had forgotten.

How can he still make me cry
When he is so very far away?
Why can't I just let him go?
Why are my feelings on display?

He made his choice
And whatever his reason
Against my heart
He meant no treason.

Yet every time I think
That I am over him
The feelings all come flooding back
Refusing to become dim.

Each day is touch and go.
Some happy and some not.
I try to forget him in every way.
But find that I cannot.

Trying, Breaking, Fighting, Healing.

Trying
to be just a friend
Finding
it's not so bad
Finding
it's absolutely terrible
Trying
And failing.

Breaking
What little my heart can mend
Finding
I still love that tall blond lad
Finding
that love unbearable
Breaking
mind unveiling.

Knowing
I've no right to love
Unable
To make it stop
Unable
to forget
Knowing
and powerless.

Fighting
Rationality and her shove
Unable
to make the swap
Unable
to sing solo from duet
Fighting
the sense of the aimless.

Wanting
to be rational
Thinking
I haven't got the right
Thinking
I shouldn't feel this way
Wanting
to move on.

Understanding
this is transitional
Thinking
that night after night
Thinking
that day after day
Understanding
that he is gone.

Learning
from this trial
Living
joy and sorrow combined
Living
with other kinds of help
Learning
to be happy.

Healing
finding I can smile
Living
in a world full of sunshine
Living
for myself
Healing
I am happy.

My Song

Darkness tarnishes
The brightness of my song
As me it slowly banishes
From where I now belong.

No one said I'd be lonely
By my friends surrounded
But I've lost my one and only
My song has been confounded.

Is there nothing I can do?
Will my song now shadowed be.
My defenses toppled by this coup
A rubble for the world to see.

Now black night descends
And my song becomes an agony
As darkness with my music blends
I know that I am staggering.

But night is darkest before the dawn
And surly that is soon
And so my song will struggle on
As disappears the moon.

Done Trying. No More Searching.

I finally have my answer
Though it's not what I wished for.
Does it really matter?
He gently closed that door.

Is it really possible,
That this is for the best?
Though it may well be
It gives my heart no rest.

I'll admit that I've been hurt,
But not because he lied.
And though it is in secret,
My eyes show how I've cried.

No, he didn't lie
He always told the truth
Any brokenness is my fault
I could not be aloof.

I feel towards him no anger
As some may think I should
For I've searched within my soul
And found I never could

So now I must move on
But hear me when I say;
There will be no more searching
I stopped trying on this day.

Gloria!

I dream of many things
Of pretty summer dresses
Of bright sunshiny days
And gentle loving caresses

Like every young woman
I have girlish dreams
Of starlit walks and romance
But there’s more than may be seen.

I have visions of flying
Throughout the galaxies
With powerfully beating wings
Surely not mere fantasies?

But that isn’t all
Not enough my feathered wings
To open up my heart
And with the Angels sing.

Yes, to raise my voice on high
With the glittering angelic host
To sing Holy, holy, holy,
This I wish for most.

To feel that joy within
Pour out as I am winging
Across the starry skies
And with the Angels singing!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

As children
Our minds are captivated
By childish happiness
And carefree foolishness

But soon things become different
Become more complicated
Before we realize or know
We begin to change and grow

The toys the sand castles the games
That once fulfilled our dreams
Are no longer what we adore
We reach and grasp for more

By knowledge’s seductive flames
We're reduced to raving fiends
We build machines of terror
Not sandy castles fairer.

Why this need for destruction?
Why can’t we live and love?
How have we become so twisted?
Surely know one really wished it?

In dire need of instruction
We cry out to our God
Why do our souls fade?
Truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

From My Sanctum

Tentatively I peek around
The puffy floating white
Leave the safety of my clouds
To see what lies beyond.

For many months I’ve dreamed
Of places new and fair
So far off they have seemed
But closer they appear.

I will leave my wispy sanctum
My loft among the clouds
And so employ my stratagem
And wish with all I am.

What is it I wish to dare?
To clothe myself in moonbeams
And hang starlight in my hair
This is life worth living.

This I solemnly do vow
To live like there is no tomorrow
To be only in the now
And claim my souls freedom!