Insomnia

I am an insomniac
Can you imagine that?
I become tired at the drop of a hat
And yet I find no rest.

At night even though I'm sleepy
I go like the energizer bunny.
The dark is both scary and creepy,
And so I find no rest.

I wish to sleep I really do
But instead I write to you.
If I must I'll close my eyes with glue
And then I'll find some rest.

Fear

These things are ripping my heart to shreds
I can do absolutely nothing to help
I find I am powerless as many others have said
I never knew the sadness I have recently felt.

I heard the word Cancer and my heart turned cold
Everyone knows that fear
How has this been unforetold?
How can I hold to what is dear?

With every week the prognosis seems worse
I find I weep in silence
I wish upon this thing a horrible curse
But its mystery is impenetrably dense.

I've only now begun to know her
Is it possible she'll be taken from me?
Everything once clear is now obscure
I pray on bended knee.

What will happen if she dies?
Could I ever understand it?
If she were gone could we all survive?
Dark creeps in where once her light was brightly lit.

Questions

What are we meant for?
What is our purpose here?
What shall we do until we know?
What is my destiny away from this darkness?

When all light is gone from us
When darkness blocks our vision
When the world tilts in crazy turns
When I fall from my pillar on high.

Who then shall light our darkness?
Who can turn the tide in our favor?
Who will bring back the tarnished beauty?
Who would withstand my test?

Why do we shun what we wish for?
Why secretly hide in the darkness?
Why force our hands to be still at our sides?
Why can't I grasp my happiness?

Where have we lost our souls?
Where do our hearts lie shattered?
Where can their pieces be restored?
Where am I in this darkness?

Musicability

The sound wells inside
Begging to be let out
I open my mouth so wide
But from it comes no shout.
No what pours out is beautiful
My souls offering flowing free.
It is singing in every way musical
That pours out from inside of me.

This song is my life force,
My strength and durability.
When all is lost and I am too,
My song will lead me home.
But if for any reason or thing
My song is cut away,
I'll die, surely as comes the spring,
Let go without delay.

A gift from Artemis' quiver,
Chords of gold
And notes of silver
Might I dream so bold?
In the hour of star and moonbeam
Might I find them there?
In the laughing bubbling frothing stream,
Or in Hades burning lair.

Oh, Athena Goddess of wisdom and war,
Quell this pain within me!
If I am not meant to sing to this world
Give me freedoms long sought key!
I'll break myself out but give no shout,
No, I'll sing, and sing, and sing.
Till the great ones on Mt. Olympus are left no doubt
And from their lofty heights, blessings upon me fling!

Confusion

So many questions bobbing in my head
Spinning endlessly through my mind
They keep me awake instead of in bed
Are all people troubled by things of this kind?

I am in one place and he in another
I am here, and another one is elsewhere
But there is one here who belongs to some other
For each and all I've come to care.

What seemed so simple has become complex
The ending has infinte possibilities
I'm not forced under any duress,
I sit and stare in incredulity.

How am I to know what to do?
I can't tell where to go from here
It's impossible to start from scratch and renew
Without the aid of an all knowing seer.

Some people say

Some people say everything happens for a reason
I suppose this might be true
But then why when everything's said and done
Are there still things that I rue?

Some people say trials are for you own good
I suppose they might be right
But then why when I thought I understood,
I find someones turned out the light?

Some people say distance makes the heart grow fonder
I suppose for some this might work
But then why does distance make me ponder
Why I wish it weren't?

Evanescence

Why so lonely, sad yet proud?
Why cannot some grace be found?
Who will wipe her teary eyes?
Who can tell before she dies?

Why so silent in your pain?
Why do others show distain?
Who could ever think her rude?
Who ever saw her sit and brude?

Why at night so dark and still?
Why does death creep over the windowsill?
Who will be with her in the end to stand?
Who will wait the comming of deaths hand?

Why for one who alone is beauty?
Why so silently do her duty?
Who could bear to see here there?
Who can stop her? for none must dare.

Blue and Gray and Green 2

Blue, like a bright clear mid-summer sky
The depths of a glacier lake
A baby Indigo Bunting learning to fly
The delecate edges of an intricate snowflake.

Gray, like rain clouds full of water
Craggy mountains spearing lofty heights
A mothers spirit as she loses her only daughter
The wings of a goose beating as for air and height it fights.

Green, like jade upon the land
The inner light of emeralds shining
Leavs of oak trees in an iron stand
The eyes of the elves are forever crying.

All things embodied in one girls eyes
And many more I've yet to name
At night, my soul, oh how it cries!
Forgetting all my fortunes and fame.

The Blue of a clear mid-summer sky,
The inner light of emeralds shining,
Craggy mountaings spearing the lofty heights,
For these things, in her eyes, I am eternally pining.

Rain

Clouds roll in as a dark tumbling mass
The great gray expanse of sky
Mirrors the feelings I have inside
Emotions being to shape and amass

To outward eyes I seem cool and calm
But those who know me might well see past
To the inside where hurt and pain have smashed
And created a new creature that I struggle to keep in bonds

When the rain falls it becomes hard to keep the beast caged
The sadness inside of me rips free
It surges to the surface for all the world to see
My existance seems eternally planned and staged

Can no one see deeply into my eyes?
Those gateways to my soul.
Where sorrow in waves forever roll,
Or will I pass without a cause to live and realize?

I have only one small simple wish
To fly into the sky and become one with the stars
To be washed free and clean of this lifes scars
And the tears from other days abolish.

For when God weeps his silvery tears
As a shining drop from the sky I will fall
Back to the world for I have heard its call
Before all hapiness and joy disseppears.

Music

It comes from afar almost unheard
Inside your soul begins to stir
The music fills your hazy mind
And begins to take control.

You hardly yet can realize
Music has you in its eyes
It slowly grows as you decide
That musics a thing you shall uphold.

It fills the silence around your heart
The emptyness begins to fall appart
And wondrous things will soon unwind
As you reform to musics mold.

And now from you the mists unfurl
You view the world through eyes of pearl
We have become one of musics kind
Our hearts are warm, no longer cold.

What is it?

What is this feeling? This thing in my heart?
Not love, for that was struck with a poisoned dart
Not fear, for I have always been brave
It is hoplessness. From its clutches will I ever be saved?

What is this feeling? This thing in my chest?
It is not here at my behest
Its here of its own will and volition
The sprite that sent it feels no contrition.

What is this feeling? This thing in my head?
These things I never thought nor said?
They came and leave no peace to me
They crash and brake like the waves of the sea.

What is this feeling? This thing I dont understand?
I don't wish to march forgotten in the band
I want to be my own person always in charge
Not some thing, some vessel, for feelings at large.

Blue and Gray and Green

The waves pound in endless blue and gray and green
It brings to mind her dark sad eyes, now a distant memory
The power of the swifly rising storm
Mirrors the beauty she always had within.

Who is the beautiful girl of whom I seldom speak?
The one with the eyes of brilliant blue and gray and green?
I'll tell you who she is and was, I knew her very well
I loved her, the beauty with the eyes of blue and gray and green.

She also loved me once, the man that I was, the only one for her,
But I was already claimed, held back by a promise to another
And so I left her all alone, along the beach to wander
By the pounding waves that will never cease their roar.

And this I tell you in truth as none else can
The day I left the seas began to cry
The waves mirrored the colors of her tri-colored eyes
All blue and gray and green.

Now in my old age they haunt me, those multi colored eyes
Nary a day goes by when I don't wish or realize
That perhaps if I had stayed that day so long ago
Those eyes of blue and gray and green would be mine and mine alone.